A tale of personal growth and solo adventures
July has been quite challenging for me this year, as I've experienced a rollercoaster of emotions, faced triggers, and had to make tough decisions while dealing with my health being unpredictable. The month began with a surge of overwhelming emotions, leading to a profound sense of loss and self-reflection. This moment was transformative for me, as I finally acknowledged the abuse I endured from various individuals, including those who were meant to care for me. Coming to terms with complex PTSD and dissociation, understanding their impact on my life, left me feeling disoriented, sorrowful, and like I had been living a facade. Despite this, I embarked on a road trip to celebrate my daughter's birthday, reconnected with friends, and enjoyed moments of laughter, family bonding, and quality time with my daughter before returning home.
My health has been a complete pain in my butt and has been challanging me every which way, i have experienced symptoms that have been really scary at times, eating has become dificult again, breathing issues and then you add the mental health on top its like i been in a battle with the devil and freddy. My endo has been shocking and the pain has been pretty unbearable at times and there has been days where i just slept, days where i had no energy to do the smallest tasks and at time where i just felt done.
I've gained important life insights from becoming overly involved in a situations and assuming genuine care. This lesson has shown me the importance of trusting my intuition, establishing boundaries to prevent repeating past mistakes. Recognizing my self-value has resulted in increased self-esteem, allowing me to enjoy my own company rather than questioning my worth or feeling alone. I've begun to understand the idea of love from distant. Certain people cross our paths briefly, either to offer wisdom or to test us.
July has taught me this new life is going to hurt in some places, im going to loose people, particular behaviours are going to make me question things, im just not the same person as i use to so im less likley to put with stuff. I have learnt to accept life is going to look a little bit different moving forward, i need quite days,I seek good days, though some may affect my mental health. This is because I have been in survival mode for a long time, so peace and things going well feel unfamiliar. I am gradually adapting to this new phase.
I hope August will be much calmer, and my body will stop acting up, giving me a break so I can continue working through my list without stressing out.