Life resembles a chaotic train wreck sometimes

The last few weeks has been trainwreck no maybe longer, and I'm once again counting down to surgery. I'm feeling utterly exhausted, body is not co operating. I don’t shy away from admitting that I’m unwell, and life can be shit some days are particularly challenging. It’s at times like this that I reflect, some people really need to reflect on their own actions, behaviours as silence speak volumes. Some people are just shitty humans My time and energy are everything to me more so now I refuse to give to those who don’t appreciate it.

It’s been a challenging time, and I won’t sugarcoat it; it feels as if life has come to a standstill. I'm really focused on creating a sanctuary at home protecting my peace, im spending a lot of time there lately, catching up on sleep, and embracing quiet moments. Each day brings new challenges, and I feel I have little control over what’s happening. My priority is to take care of myself. I’m still using my Juice Plus, which has been a lifesaver, and I’m eating smaller meals while keeping up with my water intake. Taking my medications and maintaining these good habits is essential, no matter how tough the day gets. I also make sure to attend yoga classes, back into water walking this week, and prioritize spending time at the beach or in nature, regardless of how I’m feeling. These activities are incredibly beneficial and crucial for keeping my body active and as healthy as possible..

I am completely worn out and fearful of losing more of myself. My body feels drained, and frankly, I’ve had enough. This has been one of the toughest challenges I've encountered—learning to cope with Functional Neurological Disorder (FND) and its unpredictable nature. The other neurological conditions I face are a nightmare. I've transitioned from managing my previous conditions to feeling completely incapacitated. Some days, it feels like a train wreck.

This reflection came to me while I sat on the beach, my mind racing with thoughts. I am still navigating my learning journey with these neurological conditions, and there are days when I must diligently manage my mental health to avoid feeling overwhelmed. One of my biggest challenges is dealing with people who enter my life and basically talk it up and then turn into prize dickhead. I am always open about my struggles and conditions, especially when it comes to dating, because I understand how challenging it can be.

Once I share this, we move forward, and during that time, I emphasize the importance of reassurance, time, understanding, and communication. Everything seems fine until suddenly, the connection turns as cold as ice. When I express my concerns, they are often dismissed, leading to ghosting. Honestly, it's one of the most frustrating experiences, and it feels disrespectful. Do I revert to my old self? Absolutely not. The new me engages in a conversation, and if necessary, serves a dose of their own medicine. This may seem harsh, but some people really need to reflect on their actions and behaviors.

I remind myself that every interaction is a learning experience, and sometimes, it's about teaching others how to treat you. It's about setting boundaries and making it clear that ghosting and dismissive behavior are unacceptable. This isn't about revenge; it's about standing up for yourself and not allowing disrespect to go unchecked.

In these moments, I also find strength in self-reflection. I ask myself what I can learn from this encounter and how I can use it to grow. It's a chance to reaffirm my own self-worth and remember that I deserve relationships built on mutual respect and understanding.

The journey to becoming a stronger, more resilient version of myself involves embracing these challenges with grace and clarity. By doing so, I continue to cultivate a life filled with connections that truly matter, and people who value and respect me for who I am. It's about fostering a community of genuine relationships that uplift and inspire, rather than drain and disappoint.

And so, I move forward, carrying the lessons learned and the confidence that comes from knowing my worth. Through it all, I remain committed to staying true to myself, and to creating a space where only positive, respectful connections thrive.

This leads me to my second reflection: during a recent conversation with my best friend, I realized how much healing has transformed my reactions to others and specific situations. I've become much less concerned about people remaining in my life. I'm finally acknowledging my worth and understanding the role I play in others' lives. At this stage, I have never valued my time as much as I do now. As I look ahead to 2025, I am ready to establish firm boundaries with people and close certain doors for good.

While this might sound daunting, it's a necessary step toward creating a life that aligns with my values and aspirations. Setting these boundaries is not about shutting people out but rather making room for the right connections that nurture and support my well-being. It's about choosing quality over quantity and ensuring that the relationships I maintain are mutually respectful and enriching.

I'm learning that it's okay to walk away from situations or people that drain my energy or no longer serve a positive purpose in my life. This realization brings a sense of freedom and empowerment, allowing me to focus on what truly matters and to invest my time and energy into pursuits that bring joy and fulfillment.

Looking toward 2025, I am filled with hope and determination. I am eager to embrace the opportunities that lie ahead and to continue growing in ways that honor my journey. As I set these intentions, I remind myself that every ending is also a beginning, paving the way for new experiences and relationships that align with my authentic self.

I am committed to living a life that reflects my true values and aspirations, and this involves making conscious choices about who and what I allow into my world. By doing so, I am not only protecting my peace but also creating an environment where I can thrive and be the best version of myself. Here's to a future filled with purpose, positivity, and the courage to pursue what truly matters.