Breaking Free - Escaping the clutches of my abuser

Repost - A year on from leaving my abuser, written may 2022

As this month comes to a close, I reflect on a year of hard work and the resilience I have discovered. Feeling trapped and overwhelmed, escape seems impossible. Every attempt to break free is met with setbacks, leading to a sense of captivity in a dark place. Gradually, you lose pieces of yourself, and your perspective shifts. It's easy to believe this is all there is, but deep down, you know you deserve more. The monster lurks in the shadows, eroding your being without notice, isolating you in a bleak world. Clinging to the last flicker of hope, you strive to find your way back to the light.

The words he used cut deep, the way he would use his words was nasty.

I think your hungry you should go eat something, no one wants you, your lazy, I call cyps on you,your fat,no wonder your marriage failed, your ex's right about, your kids are retards the list is endless and the comments were endless.

I experienced homelessness and had to stay in a hotel or sleep in a car with my children to shield them from harm. While the monster destroyed my belongings, I had to restart multiple times. Eventually, I found a modest home where we could feel safe and start living. Though the monster kept a watchful eye on me, having a secure place brought some relief. I was constantly under surveillance, run off the road, and faced dangerous situations caused by the monster's erratic behavior and uncontrollable rage, which was frightening to witness and best avoided.

This monster thought he was a cleaver and had every part of me controlled he thought it was funny seeing me cry and having panic attacks and playing mind games with me. This monster had pushed me to my limits I was fighting 8 illness and chronic pain every blow he would would destroy me and make more sicker, my closest friends thought I would not see 2022 I was so broken and sick.

May 2021 was the day I took my power back and told that monster I am done I deserve better than this. 

The monster had me he took to punches to my face and I have never seen something so angry, his eyes were black. It took till this to realize I need to get out now.

My first step on my new journey was to get actually help this time, I won't forget those words domestic violence, battered women syndrome and you have PTSD your triggers are real and I'll be ok. I have experienced homelessness and had to stay in a hotel or sleep in a car with my children to shield them from harm. While the monster destroyed my belongings, I had to restart multiple times. Eventually, I found a modest home where we could feel safe and start living. Though the monster kept a watchful eye on me, having a secure place brought some relief. I was constantly under surveillance, run off the road, and faced dangerous situations caused by the monster's erratic behavior and uncontrollable rage, which was frightening to witness and best avoided.

In the span of a year, I've been on a transformative journey, evolving into a different person. I've discovered self-love, self-respect, understanding how I deserve to be treated, and being kind to myself. I've gained more confidence, smile more, and shed fewer tears. The most significant growth in the past year has been in understanding my identity and embracing who I am. My journey continues, healing is ongoing. Remember, domestic violence doesn't require physical abuse to be recognized.