Navigating healing, trauma and my constant hell

It felt like someone flicked a switch last October, making what was already challenging for me even more difficult. I was completely unprepared for the storm that was about to come my way. It's terrifying when you feel like you have no control over the situation, and the life you were familiar with starts to fade away. Trying to navigate this new reality is confusing, and people around me have no clue about the struggles I face every day.

Every day, I experience intense headaches that make my head feel like a pressure cooker. My right ear gets inflamed, infected, and leaks unexpectedly. I constantly feel dizzy, my vision becomes blurry, and it's incredibly draining. I struggle every day to maintain my mental health. I am utterly exhausted and wish I could go back and escape this help.

I've faced numerous challenges – and I mean many challenges. Currently, I'm battling the toughest fight of my life. Not only am I recovering from a brain injury, but I'm also undergoing therapy and coming to terms with having PTSD. Sometimes, I pause and wonder how I manage to stay positive amidst all this.

Back in 2017, when I first fell seriously ill, I vowed to myself that I wouldn't allow the pain or sickness to shape my identity. I believed that there was much more to me than those labels, and I refused to let them consume my energy. Despite being a mother, managing work, running a household, and pursuing my studies, I persevered and carried on with life.

I have come to realize that maintaining this mindset was not beneficial. It served as a way to mask much of the pain I was experiencing, keeping me in a constant fight-or-flight mode that exacerbated my symptoms. Eventually, I had to confront these issues. That moment arrived when I was assaulted, completely altering my life forever.

I have dedicated two years to reconstructing myself from the ground up. Through weekly therapy sessions, I continuously discover new aspects about myself. I delve into the unresolved parts that I had been avoiding for a long time – the parts that still influence my decisions and relationships. I am in the process of learning to love myself and understand what I truly deserve..

In my recent therapy session, I discovered that the level of abuse from domestic violence I experienced was severe. It was revealed that if I hadn't left when I did, I might not be here today. This realization was a major wake-up call for me, and it took some time to process. I could have been another tragic statistic like those who have lost their lives to their abusers.